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Five Cancelled Games You Never Knew About


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Though we'd like to believe legendary game developers exist in a lawless world rife with boundless potential, the untold millions funneled into their projects provide a compelling reason to keep these talented folks on a tight leash. After all, it only takes a single slip-up before you go from designing triple-A system-sellers to working in a dank pachinko warehouse under a guy with elaborate tattoos and a conspicuously missing pinky finger. Even if you manage to whip up a basket of innovative, untested gameplay mechanics, they won't go far beyond the prototype stage without first winning over the slack-jawed masses enticed into a focus group with the promise of free Baconators and access to indoor plumbing. And while these half-formed ideas usually end up buried in Disney-style vaults, 1UP's vast array of resources and lack of shame over dumpster-diving has given us access to five unproduced projects from five mega-talented game developers. It's a shame we'll never get to play any of these for ourselves, but we can at least feel relieved that the next time we drop a quarter into a panhandler's crumpled hat, it won't belong to someone who once held court over GDC.


Shigeru Miyamoto - Wii Scrimshaw

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is actual life. From the wonder of exploring caves as a child (The Legend of Zelda), to the horrors of adult-style weigh-ins (Wii Fit), to the questionable effects of waving your arms around like a person covered in deadly bees (Wii Music), the pastimes of Nintendo's Godfather have made many appearances in the company's most popular titles. But Miyamoto's latest hobby didn't promise the same joys usually attached to the dalliances of a bored multi-millionaire. Based on Miyamoto's love of carving elaborate 18th Century tableaus onto whale bones, Wii Scrimshaw vowed to bring all the fun of this lost art to a casual audience -- though its implicit anti-whale message and costly pack-in ivory Wii-mote caused stockholders to send at least 80 "warning bricks" through the windows of Nintendo's Kyoto headquarters. A sad fate for a game wrapped up in the throes of cultural relativism. After all, what rational person hasn't laid their eyes on a whale without pondering on the majesty, wonder, and many industrial uses of the valuable goo inside its skull?

Tomonobu Itagaki - Dead or Alive Beach Babies
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Before Itagaki's falling out with Tecmo in 2008, he had one reputation-saving trick up his sleeve. Though he made a name for himself with an air of masculine bravado and his ever-present sunglasses -- necessary due to his vestigial, cave salamander eyes -- at heart, Itagaki's existence as a family man betrayed his too-cool-for-cram-school snakeskin exterior. To rectify this contradiction between image and self, the infamous game developer teamed up with popular photographer Anne Geddes, famous for photographing horrible half-insect/half-fruit infants and selling the evidence to calendar merchants.

The purpose behind this pairing? To combine Geddes' trademark take on larval humans with Itagaki's cast of bikini-clad characters. The prototype ended up being an uncharacteristically earnest creation from the Team Ninja developer, as the game celebrated the power of youth and innocence in a way that couldn't possibly be misinterpreted by a suspicious audience. Unfortunately, the villains behind Ubisoft's Imagine: Babyz line didn't cotton to Itagaki dipping his toe into their particular monopoly, and they responded in kind. Several car explosions later, Itagaki went into hiding, to this day authorities have found no traces of Geddes aside from an inspirational quote-a-day planner filled with mad etchings which may or may not indicate her whereabouts.

The purpose behind this pairing? To combine Geddes' trademark take on larval humans with Itagaki's cast of bikini-clad characters. The prototype ended up being an uncharacteristically earnest creation from the Team Ninja developer, as the game celebrated the power of youth and innocence in a way that couldn't possibly be misinterpreted by a suspicious audience. Unfortunately, the villains behind Ubisoft's Imagine: Babyz line didn't cotton to Itagaki dipping his toe into their particular monopoly, and they responded in kind. Several car explosions later, Itagaki went into hiding, to this day authorities have found no traces of Geddes aside from an inspirational quote-a-day planner filled with mad etchings which may or may not indicate her whereabouts.

Hideo Kojima - Escape from Minako
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Hideo Kojima hasn't exactly made a secret of his reluctance to stay onboard the Metal Gear Solid series; every time another sequel rolls around, it's announced as his last -- until Hideo quickly remembers the mafia-esque nature of the Japanese gaming industry means the only way out of Konami is in a body bag. Hell, if Kojima's employers ever wanted to wreck their aging wunderkind, they'd simply have to mail an box containing his body of work to John Carpenter, James Cameron, and Ridley Scott, causing an avalanche of lawsuits to bury the famed developer until his inevitable death-faking and subsequent identity changing surgery.

Started and scrapped between the development cycles of Metal Gear Solids 2, 3, 4, and Peace Walker, Escape from Minako promised a less-stealthy take on Kojima's standard style. The game put players in control of a humble robot manufacturer imprisoned at the evil Minako Corporation, forced to build a line of increasing complex and time-consuming behemoths against his will; throughout EFM's ten stages, said protagonist would slay floors of cyborg executives, finally escaping at the end for a tearful reunion with his family and the concept known by many as "leisure." When exposed to Kojima's presentation for the game, Konami's higher-ups couldn't help but notice the strong allegory between Escape from Minako and Kojima's actual working life. To counter such claims, the famed developer simply presented a picture showing the stacks of cash this new IP would bring in. The brass at Konami responded in turn with a 1:10-scale diorama depicting the money a new Metal Gear game would generate, complete with a model train that, when fully built, would carry an entire board of directors through tunnels upon tunnels of currency. A lesson for you would-be developers: when working on a pitch, never neglect the size of your money shot.

Kazunori Yamauchi - Gran Turismo Upholstery Expansion Pack
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Best known for his near-Aspergian level of automotive obsession, Gran Turismo's Kazunori Yamauchi nearly had perfectionism end his career. But even with five years of development behind it, Gran Turismo 5 still didn't meet his insane demands; even with an extra year of development and approval from two members of The Trinity (the Holy Spirit reneged, as expected), Yamauchi's team could not perfect the physics of their in-game Popemobile . But his problems went far beyond a vehicle that relied more on the power of tempered glass than faith. While the Gran Turismo squad spent weeks pestering auto manufacturers about terminology used primarily by mechanics for the art of deception, Yamauchi and company found themselves kept outside of vehicles for fear they would -- in the words of Aston-Martin -- "taint the interiors with their panicked nerd sweat."

Discouraged but not defeated, Yamauchi decided to release Gran Turismo 5 in its current state, with an upholstery expansion pack planned for early 2011. Months passed as Polyphony Digital imported vinyl, pleather, leather, and even velour, but soon, attainable materials were not enough to satisfy Yamauchi's genius. Soon after, he drew up mad plans to craft a car interior made of the finest dinosaur skins once available on our planet -- and, in typical Yamauchi fashion, for the sake of accuracy, he needed to get his hands on the real thing. Equipped with a pith hat, suitcase, and a dependable flashlight, the beloved developer booked a flight into the deepest thickets of the Amazon, hoping to find a Lost World of sorts to make his tyrannoleather dreams a reality. We at 1UP would like to wish his widow a safe and happy 2012.

Tetsuya Mizuguchi - e
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There's subtext, there's text, and then there's Tetsuya Miziguchi -- let's face it, he's not the most subtle developer on the planet. You only need to take one look at the Rez Trance Vibrator to realize Miziguchi has no interest in winking at you; instead, he'd rather emerge from your television, point violently, break all the glassware in your kitchen, and then start moving some furniture around. Even his seemingly-innocent duo of trippy music games can't help but exude the sweaty, thumping, MDMA-fueled sensation of the underground club culture that he calls home; though, thankfully, playing Rez won't leave you waking up dehydrated and toothless atop a pile of discarded glow sticks.

Miziguchi decided to embrace the taboo world of recreational drug use with e, a project that openly endorsed chemically induced third eye-prying, if only to understand the nonsense present in Child of Eden's cutscenes. This news did not sit well with disgraced/retired FBI Director William S. "Winners Don't Use Drugs" Sessions, whose bowtie spun comically after catching wind of a video game where drug use and winning weren't mutually exclusive states. Using all of the powers at his command, and a few tanks the army just left lying around, Sessions issued a strong "don't make me come over there," which caused a frightened and sleepy Miziguchi to abruptly cancel his pet project. Despite these hassles, he plans to release a highly modified version in 2014 under the new title "Silly Cybin's Adventures in Mushroom World."

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http://www.1up.com/features/five-cancelled-games-you-never-knew
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